Yes, it’s true, I’m an INFJ. The hermit. The advocate. The “rarest” personality type, as some call us. The “insert a million and one other ways to describe someone who is a loner, but who is also a champion of the people.”
Quite the paradox, eh?
But what exactly does it mean to be an INFJ? Let alone a male INFJ writer? Well, if you’re a fan of MBTI like I am, then you’ll likely have heard of the 16 distinct personality types that make it up. If you’ve never heard of MBTI, a simple Google search will give you a ton of information on the subject.
What is MBTI?
MBTI stands for the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator Test (MBTI). It’s a personality test that helps people figure out more about who they are and why they do the things they do. There are 16 personality types that people typically fall into.
As I mentioned, I’m an INFJ (introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging) and here are just a few of the struggles I’ve experienced as a writer and how I’ve dealt with them.
Struggle #1: Perfectionism
This is a big one, not only for male INFJ writers, but INFJs as a whole. Most of us have perfectionistic tendencies. We really aren’t satisfied until whatever we write or create is as picture perfect as possible. It means we value beauty (very much so), but not just for beauty’s sake.
Sadly, this perfectionistic trait often means we are incredibly slow to produce. This may go on for far longer than expected, leading to things like depression if not kept in check. Being visionaries, we clearly see our vision, but the fact that we want it to come out as beautiful as humanly possibly slows our creative process to a crawl. This potentially leads us to living an unfulfilled life creatively.
What I do about it:
Some of my relatives are perfectionists, so growing up around that kind of energy can be less than ideal (to say the least), but over time I’ve learned that it’s really not a big deal to accept some things as they are. Whenever I write, I try to get through it, knowing all too well that it will be far from perfect. It may be ugly. It may be incredibly painful to write, but understanding that the first draft is probably going to be crap is perfectly ok.
I give myself permission to write crappy or shitty first drafts. It’s something I’ve had to fight through initially, but the more I do it, the more comfortable I get hitting the publish button on a piece of work. It just takes time and consistent effort.
Struggle #2: Overly sensitive to criticism
What? A guy who is overly sensitive? Yes, it’s true. Throughout the years, it’s been rough being a male growing up and finding myself torn between enjoying masculine things like playing sports to something a bit more sensitive, like crying at the end of a sad movie. With writing, it’s hard to take criticism from anyone, let alone show my work. Even more so than most other personality types, I believe. As a male INFJ, it can border between telling someone off to doing the whole hermit thing and isolating myself from everyone. (And being part of a writing critique group? No thanks. I’ll just go do my lone-wolf thing, lol).
What I do about it:
Sometimes you just have to go with the flow. It’s not about “toughening up” but really just about accepting the fact that even as a man, I can be rather sensitive. Possibly more so than my non-INFJ counterparts. And that’s ok. But that doesn’t mean I am any more or less of a man. Or any more or less of a writer than other types. It simply means that I am more in-touch with my empathic self. I can often feel what others feel, possibly even more than they themselves do. Which can come off weird and scary, and it often ends up showing up on the page. I think of it as a “sixth sense” and I’ve grown to be ok with that. In fact, I’ve actually grown to love that part of myself. I feel it improves my writing. Who knows? Maybe I’ll even join a “thick-skinned” writing critique group some day… hehehe… well, maybe not. It’s not so bad doing the “lone-wolf” thing from time to time.
Struggle #3: It’s harder to wrap my head around mainstream writing techniques
Logically sure, it makes sense. Do some outlining here and some plotting there. Heaps of research here and some more there. A bunch of editing after that. Put it all together and you have a perfectly written blog post, short story, novel, etc. Brilliantly executed (as if I’m a machine or something ready to input my next set of commands, lol. No offense to the more logical personality types out there. Love ya INTJs). But as someone who leans more to the intuitive side, keeping track of all that planning can be daunting. When I started out, it made me question whether I could do this whole writing thing at all.
What I do about it:
Being a male, one would think that I could simply just use my “magical” testosterone-filled masculine energy to logically crank out draft after draft in record time. Sure, that may work for some. I’ve tried it (to some level of success), but it’s not a viable long-term strategy for me. Instead, I give myself the freedom to choose whichever approach I need at any given time. Whether it’s masculine or feminine energy-filled. If I feel a logical approach will work, fine, I’ll go with that. But most of the time, especially if I’m writing fiction, I’ll let my mind and heart wander wherever they choose to go and just let the words flow as the story and characters reveal themselves to me.
Of course, these struggles don’t apply to every single INFJ (male or female). However, these are just a few that I’ve grappled with at one point or another over the years. Overall, it really just comes down to finding ways to navigate yourself first and the results will show up on the page. Hopefully for the better.
If you’ve enjoyed this post, please let me know. I may end up doing a part two to address more struggles and what I do about them, so stay tuned for that. Till next time!
Jeff Aybar is a writer, writing & creativity coach, Sci-Fi/Fantasy nerd, INFJ, veteran, and all-around creative. You can get a free copy of his guide for writers and artists on starting the creative journey by signing up to his newsletter HERE.